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Old School Spammers: assing any work to me

By theGypsy | May 11, 2010

In a new series here on the SEOBS blog, (Old School Spammers), I decided to post some of the more funny/silly/bullshit emails we get from so-called ‘SEO Providers’. The genesis for this was a company that had the brilliant fore-sight to actually spam us through THE SEOBS CONTACT PAGE!!

WTF? Are ye mad? Anyway, names will be removed. This is more about shits and giggles and hopefully educating the masses on the bullshit that get’s spammed in the industry.

Here’s our inaugural post – no commentary, I leave that to the comments… a post that writes itself – now sound off!!

Dumb ass that spammed the blog contact page;

"Hi Sir/Madam,

This is MA Rahaman i am SEO/SEO specilist, i am seeking SEO work freelance, i can do on page optimization, off page optimization.
1) Always start with keyword section research and testing.
2) Meta description tag
3) ALT tags
4) H! tags
5) URL Structure
6) Internal linking strategy
7) Content
8) Keyword density
9) Site maps, xml and html
10) Usability and accessibility
11) Track target keywords

OFF PAGE

Directory submission
search engine submission
Article submission
Forum posting
classifieds posting
Blogger, Blod directory submit
Blog comments
SMO, bookmarking
press releases
Link exchange ( Theme, reciprocal )

Monthly, weekly report

In off page i am very expert all kinds of ares, please let me know assing any work to me."

Topics: Old School Spammers | 21 Comments »

Posted on 11 May 2010 by David Harry

Just a ranting and rambling search geek.... Web gypsy and renaissance man! When not losing what's left o' me mind here, I can be found blogging on the Fire Horse Trail and hanging wid me peeps at the SEO Training Dojo

has written 17 articles for SEO Bullshit

  • http://www.goosh.co.uk/ Goosh

    Oh, that is special! I wonder what an H! tag is? </sarcasm>

  • http://www.stalkerb.com StalkerB

    Sounds good.

    Can you pass his details on to me? I have some work I'd like to outsource.

  • http://www.seobegin.com/ Dean Cruddace

    “i am very expert in all kinds of ARSE”

  • http://www.gospelrhys.co.uk/ Rhys

    I did read it and thought “Nice to see Paul Whitehouse get work after The Fast Show” ;)

  • http://www.gospelrhys.co.uk/ Rhys

    Blod directory submit? Take out the word “directory” and it sounds like he's going towards a Welsh Dominatrix. :S

  • http://www.seobegin.com/ safcblogger

    Today i shall be mostly using the word ARSE

    Hows that for your synonyms Mr Google?

    Arse = Bullshit? ohhh forget it

    Arse

    The Fast Show was good mind

  • vanetcetera

    LOL it's so ridiculous you have to laugh or you might cry. Oh, and he may be “very expert all kinds of ares” but clearly…English is not one of them.

  • http://www.irishwonder.com IrishWonder

    Yea I tend to get quite a lot of these as well – moreover, they tell me sometimes how important backlinks are! :D And I should probably start collecting all their typos as well

  • http://www.goosh.co.uk/ Goosh

    Just said that out loud in my best welsh impression. Got some funny looks!

  • http://www.huomah.com theGypsy

    yea Irish, same here man. We all get 'em, even through our sites/blogs.. which tends to leave me shakin my head… but through the contact page on THIS site??? Oh my fucking word… I just couldn't lay offa it.

    I shall be watching for more fun ones moving forward. Maybe a 'dumb ass SEO spammer' award at the end of the year? Send 'em a pretty little SEOBS badge and everything? lol…

    Maybe after we get some more of these, we can create the ultimate SEO Spam Email guide… on how to write the best of the best dumb ass emails… weeeeeee

  • http://www.huomah.com theGypsy

    That was kind of my experience as well… laughed me 'arse' off initially, then thought that it was just too pathetic to not highlight in some way. Sooooo… here we are.

  • Tre4

    I love that they have obviously done a Google search to find you and then propose doing SEO for the very phrase that they have discovered you with..

  • http://www.SEOConsultants.com/ pageoneresults

    You said “Old School Spammers” when in all actuality, these are New School Spammers. Our industry is flooded with crap like this. In fact, there are quite a few here in the US who farm SEO out to folks like that.

    I'd like to introduce him to Vipul, our Director of Human Relations…
    http://www.SEOConsultants.com/Links/Staff/

  • http://www.huomah.com theGypsy

    lol at the staff page… nice laugh, (followed by tears?). What I meant with the 'New' is more a reference to spam. The email variety was the predecessor to web spam (at least in IR terms, which is how I am wired).

  • http://www.dkssystems.com Nick LeRoy

    as long as they guarantee us front page results in 2.3 days of starting im all for it! :)

  • http://www.making8seo.com/ Adam J. Humphreys

    I'm quite confident topseos.com is the culprit for all the overseas spam emails because as soon as I added two sites to the directory I was barraged by emails, and whiney callers from India, “But whyyyyyyy”. While I can appreciate that India supposedly has the most geniuses per capita the people calling are exceptions to this concept. When it comes to these spammers fortunately the spam box typically catches most of the emails.

    I'm considering creating an extension for telemarketers so that they're met with endless painful elevator music. Perhaps the zombo.com recording would be ideal.

  • http://www.bestchoiceforebooks.com Resell Rights Ebook Store

    I get anywhere from 5-10 of these type of emails a day across my web properties. Annoying to say the least since it is nothing more then spam and have harvested my email addresses from somewhere. The spammer should outsource his copy to ensure complete sentence structure, etc. lol

  • Scott Winters

    lol…assing work huh? Wonder if spelling will count in SEO tactics…lol

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    The spammer should outsource his copy to ensure complete sentence structure, etc. lol

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