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Get That HiPPO Out Of My Face

By Rishi | February 5, 2010

Get That HiPPO Out Of My Face

SEO HiPPO is All Up In Mah Face!

You know what the worst part of dealing with Big Brands are? People who hold the cash money reigns and dont know squat about SEO. Ok, let me amend that. People who hold the cash money reigns and dont know squat about SEO but think they fucking “get it”. I sometimes hate the fact that I get angry at my clients. I shouldnt. And the ones I do, I tactfully retreat and suggest someone else. Luckily I am that stage when I dont “need” to grab ass any job that passes my desk. I am not saying that I am gods gift to SEO, infact much of the inverse would hold true. I dont count myself as an SEO much anymore – after all its been a while since I have implemeented any hands on work.

I guide, cajole, track, create and craft strategies that work (or should) for Brands. Thats how I get my kicks, and thats how I pay the bills.

But the type of people that I have had to deal with in the past makes me wonder what kind of idiots make it to senior management. Now dont get me wrong, quite a few of the upper management, from Departmental Heads to CEO and Director level people I have dealt with deserve to be where they are. Fuck I envy their skills. Some are exceptional at their grasp of  theory after only one session of SEO basics, and others are down right awe inspiring in how they adapt and understand the concepts you are sharing, without ever being exposed to SEO before. In fact the people I am working with currently are pretty switched on and its FUN to work with them. Shit SEO is HARD to understand. I think so. Nothing is really black or white, nor are there any textbooks that really explain what needs to be done. Every case merits indepeendent thought to get solved.

But the others? Those douchebags that sit there with a smug smile on their face assuming they know EVERYTHING. You know the ones. Those that think you are just another geek, not far removed from the IT help desk that they so inconviniently have to rely on from time to time? F_U_C_K. These dickheads make sweeping assumptions and decisions that not only doom their business, but can often hurt your credibility if you continue working with them .

They, my friends, are the destructive HiPPO’s.

I first came across the term when I started reading Occams Razor by Avinash Kaushik. Essentially a HiPPO is:

Highest Paid Person’s Opinion

The person who has the biggest pull in the desision making process, and as such most wills are bent to their will. And an idiotic HiPPO can really mess your strategy up. These are the guys who want you to rank for a keyword cause they think it represents the business best – not because it converts well or is even the target market. This is the person who doesnt give a hoot about doing it right, they want results either way. This is the person who decides on a whim to get rid of a core section of the site “because they didnt like it” without informing their SEO. This is the person who consistently shoots down valuable ideas just because they dont want to understand. This is the absolute arse that decides that its time to get involved in the whole “social media” thing because their neighbour’s five year old daughter’s friend’s aunt’s mother-in-law has a facebook a/c.  He preps up for a meeting after a decent 20 minutes with the Bullshit generator.

This is Dilbert’s Boss. All I ask is get him the fuck away from my face.

Get That HiPPO Out Of My Face

Dilberts Boss. He Isn't Just Fiction.

Rishi Lakhani is a Search Strategist and works with a range of brands. He is a Guest Blogger for SEOBullshit. You can find Rishi on Twitter or on his Blog.

Opening Photo Credit: Thai Jasmine

Topics: Business Bullshit | 20 Comments »

Posted on 05 February 2010 by Rishi Lakhani

has written 4 articles for SEO Bullshit

  • http://www.huomah.com theGypsy

    Yea man, I am also fortunate at my advanced age, to pick and choose where I work. One thing I've moved away from is the big corp stuff. Sure, I'll do some consulting, but not directly managing campaigns. The red tape, bureaucratic bullshit and inability to be nimble makes them unattractive at best. All the respect out to those working big agency stuff or corp in house… but it can be a shit situation.

    I prefer SMEs. Even if they don't 'get it' they know the value and are willing to listen/learn. Many time avoiding such madness comes down to qualifying clients or knowing when to fire them. Sadly, the in-house peeps don't have that option… poor bastards.

  • http://www.huomah.com theGypsy

    Yea man, I am also fortunate at my advanced age, to pick and choose where I work. One thing I've moved away from is the big corp stuff. Sure, I'll do some consulting, but not directly managing campaigns. The red tape, bureaucratic bullshit and inability to be nimble makes them unattractive at best. All the respect out to those working big agency stuff or corp in house… but it can be a shit situation.

    I prefer SMEs. Even if they don't 'get it' they know the value and are willing to listen/learn. Many time avoiding such madness comes down to qualifying clients or knowing when to fire them. Sadly, the in-house peeps don't have that option… poor bastards.

  • http://www.huomah.com theGypsy

    Yea man, I am also fortunate at my advanced age, to pick and choose where I work. One thing I've moved away from is the big corp stuff. Sure, I'll do some consulting, but not directly managing campaigns. The red tape, bureaucratic bullshit and inability to be nimble makes them unattractive at best. All the respect out to those working big agency stuff or corp in house… but it can be a shit situation.

    I prefer SMEs. Even if they don't 'get it' they know the value and are willing to listen/learn. Many time avoiding such madness comes down to qualifying clients or knowing when to fire them. Sadly, the in-house peeps don't have that option… poor bastards.

  • http://www.huomah.com theGypsy

    Yea man, I am also fortunate at my advanced age, to pick and choose where I work. One thing I've moved away from is the big corp stuff. Sure, I'll do some consulting, but not directly managing campaigns. The red tape, bureaucratic bullshit and inability to be nimble makes them unattractive at best. All the respect out to those working big agency stuff or corp in house… but it can be a shit situation.

    I prefer SMEs. Even if they don't 'get it' they know the value and are willing to listen/learn. Many time avoiding such madness comes down to qualifying clients or knowing when to fire them. Sadly, the in-house peeps don't have that option… poor bastards.

  • http://www.SEOmofo.com/ SEO Mofo

    I am not saying that I am gods gift to SEO, infact much of the inverse would hold true.

    Damn it, Rishi…I'm trying to get through my emails, and you're not making it any easier by setting off my Google Alert for “gods gift to seo”!

  • http://www.mmmeeja.com andymurd

    HiPPO doesn't just affect SEO. Too often I've seen a new boss arrive and change projects just because they have to be seen to be doing something, anything. Doing something that pisses off their underlings is viewed as having impact.

    These bosses wouldn't expect (or allow) a brand new employee to make radical project changes because the newbie doesn't have the full picture, with senior management it's the opposite.

    A ranty comment for a ranty blog.

  • http://www.goosh.co.uk/ Kev Strong

    Oh man, Rishi. You are hitting the nail on the head with these posts of yours recently! There are so many HiPPO's involved in my projects at the minute that reading this has made me brighten up a little :D

  • rishil

    So If I created a twitter a/c tweeting that message every 5 minutes, and then pull the feed into a WP install to create a page for every tweet – will that fill up your email?

  • shahidseo

    HiPPO + Social Media = A real F**kin Headache

  • http://www.seo-doctor.co.uk/ Gareth James

    Nice one. My current very large hippo wants to rank for some keywords but will not let me put them on the page or in the titles! Its really doing my swede in.

  • http://uk.linkedin.com/in/jamilkassam Jamil Kassam

    Definately understand your frustrations with regards the HiPPO, however they key to overcoming this is by providing accurate forecasts and recommendations on what serach terms to target and why. Even though the HiPPO always thinks they know best, by presenting hard cold facts relating to traffic and revenue projections – they will nearly always go with what will deliver on the bottom line.

  • davorgoldie

    Amen Rishi.

    So many blue chips don't have a clue when it comes to search. Half my time is spent educating clients why we are “doing” something. It's the old Chief Exec's wife syndrome.

    True story; Big brand, MD or CE's wife asked him why they weren't “coming up on Google” for a search term that wasn't particularly relevant. Next day that search phrase was top priority.

    That can cluster fuck a campaign right up!

  • matthewdiehl

    I have seen projects get crushed in the past because there is a HiPPO on the client side that immediately slams early on SEO work. Why do they slam it you ask? Because they are fucking idiots who think they know more about SEO. How many times have you heard – “Oh yeah, I have done this SEO stuff before. I can take care of this, no problem.” Follow-up months later and see how it has been going. Low and behold either nothing has been done or 1999 style spam shit is everywhere!

    Good job shit head and keep up the craptastic work.

    Fin.

  • http://dynamical.biz/blog/ Ani Lopez

    Same here Matthew, consequence: 'We do SEO despite clients'
    http://dynamical.biz/blog/online-marketing/we-d…

  • melanienathan

    I'm not at that point yet where I can just pick and choose my clients per say (being that I have employees now and people to pay). That said, I sometimes have to put on my crocodile hat in order to properly deal with a HIPPO. I just figured that was part of my job as a SEO because the industry is so completely misunderstood (and plus I'm used to wearing hats).

    Down with hippopotami!

  • http://www.search-marketing-answers.com/blog alanbleiweiss

    Rishil – I'd only glimpsed your consciousness peripherally til now, but reading your rants here has given me a true appreciation for your way of viewing the world. I too have recently reached a point where I can, and finally, actually am, cherry picking my clients. Just thinking of all those years putting up with the crap that spewed from some clients mouths causes me to wonder how I survived, let alone didn't relapse off of my 12 step recovery path.

    And of course it was that much more twisted whenever I was expected to get results by finding yet another workaround to address the asshat decisions clients made about their site's need to “have no text because it clutters the page”, among other truly spectacularly douchebag actions.

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