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Google’s Epic Losing Streak
By SEO Mofo | February 15, 2010
Hey Google…
Can I ask you something?
What. the fuck. are you. DOING?
Seriously…you are releasing so many SHITTY products in such rapid succession, I don’t even have time to wrap my head around them before you’re already blowing my mind with your next epic failure. Look at this:
9/23/2009 – Google Sidewiki: Great news, everyone! Now ANYBODY can leave comments on any page of your website, and there’s nothing you can do about it!
11/17/2009 – Site hierarchies in SERPs: We don’t like your URLs so we made up our own for you! No, you can’t opt out!
12/04/2009 – Personalized search for everyone: We track everyone who uses your computer and then save that data on your hard drive!
12/07/2009 -Realtime Search: Now when someone searches Google for your name, we show them your Twitter feed! If it’s not a protected account, then OBVIOUSLY you want the whole fucking world to know everything you’re saying at all times!
1/19/2010 – Synonyms: We know what you MEANT to search for, so we just went ahead and included pages that don’t even contain your search query, because obviously you’re too fucking retarded to say what you mean!
1/22/2010 – Answer Highlighting in Search Results: Now there’s no reason for anyone to actually visit your page, because we already told them everything!
1/27/2010 – Search is Getting More Social: We know who you’ve been talking to, we know what you’ve been saying, we know what websites you visit, we know everything about you…and now we’re using that information to boost the rankings of content that your sister’s ex-boyfriend’s roommate’s old babysitter wrote! No, you can’t opt out!
2/09/2010 – Google Buzz: We read all your emails and chat sessions and formed a list of people you talk to the most often. And then…we showed everyone! No, you can’t opt out! Hey everybody…guess who this guy’s been talking to!!
And I’m sure there’s more. The point is…nobody wants what you’re shoveling! Who is telling you otherwise? Seriously…where are you pulling your test groups from, the morgue? I don’t understand why you continue to “innovate” solutions to problems that no one has. Does ANYBODY want to see Twitter content in their search results? If you’re looking for something to solve, how about addressing some of the problems that people have actually been complaining about:
- There’s no easy way to track search rankings.
- There’s no easy way to opt out of dates appearing in SERP snippets–and your algorithm for detecting relevant dates BLOWS.
- You give us different estimates of indexed pages, depending on how/where we ask:
- site:www.seomofo.com – 207
- site:www.seomofo.com (100 results per page) – 33
- site:www.seomofo.com (show omitted results) – 35
- Webmaster Tools, Sitemaps, Indexed URLs – 42
- (Actual number of pages – 31)
- Your customer service department doesn’t exist.
You used to follow the mantra “launch early and iterate,” but somewhere along the line, you seem to have switched to “launch everything and ignore the obvious.” Is this how you intend to compete with Apple and Microsoft–quantity over quality? How long before we can expect the Google MP3 player to launch?
Here’s a tip…just because 10 million people use Buzz the day it’s released…doesn’t mean it’s a success. All that means is you’ve abused your position in one market to force your way into another. Gee…that sounds familiar…what other big corporation used their dominance in one area to bully the whole World into using a horrible, horrible piece of shit?
Here’s your success right here. You beat Microsoft AND Apple! Congrats!
Topics: Non-SEO BS | 42 Comments »
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