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Dear Google, I am an idiot

By theGypsy | August 30, 2010

Please show me the way

As I sat here reading an article (on WSJ) interviewing, (Google CEO) Eric Schmidt, I was sort of struck stupid by a few of the statements. Are we, the general public, just a bunch of idiots shitheads looking for guidance from Google? Is it true that we really can’t think for ourselves?

To whit, a few quips;

“Says Mr. Schmidt, a generation of powerful handheld devices is just around the corner that will be adept at surprising you with information that you didn’t know you wanted to know.”

OK hold the fucking phone here… Google wants to tell me things I DIDN’T want to know? Am I such a dork that when I search for Pizza it’s going to give me porn? If I wanted sausage on that, I woulda’ ordered it ok?

 

And how about;

"As you go from the search box [to the next phase of Google], you really want to go from syntax to semantics, from what you typed to what you meant. And that’s basically the role of [Artificial Intelligence]. I think we will be the world leader in that for a long time."

Uhm… so Google is going to think for us? Fuck what I put it in the little box, allow Google to tell you what you actually meant.

So, let us recap so far;

Further to that he stated;

“I actually think most people don’t want Google to answer their questions, they want Google to tell them what they should be doing next.”

Dear lord jebus on a stick… these guys are freaky. Is it just me or does this all smack of some Orwellian nightmare?

Dear Google, I am an idiot

Time for a name change

And that was just some of the search related madness I came across in it… not to be outdone, he also talked a little social… ready for this one?

According to Scmidt,

“we know roughly who you are, roughly what you care about, roughly who your friends are.” But have no fear because Google also predicts that, “…. every young person one day will be entitled automatically to change his or her name on reaching adulthood in order to disown youthful hijinks stored on their friends’ social media sites. “

WOW… just… WOW… This guy really has been smoking some of the good shit and I’d be ever so grateful if he could send me a pound or two of it.

Anyway… just had to mention it as this had me more than a little freaked out by the visionaries over at the big G.

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  • Dear Google, I am an idiot

Topics: Business Bullshit, Reality Check | 27 Comments »

Posted on 30 August 2010 by David Harry

Just a ranting and rambling search geek.... Web gypsy and renaissance man! When not losing what's left o' me mind here, I can be found blogging on the Fire Horse Trail and hanging wid me peeps at the SEO Training Dojo

has written 19 articles for SEO Bullshit

  • http://twitter.com/DeanCruddace Dean Cruddace

    I was just searching for porn and found this post, cheers for that Google now I am gonna spend the next hour all frustrated and paranoid that Mr Schmidt is watching me. #ifeeldirty

  • http://www.deepripples.com Deep Ripples Bill

    Now that’s a rant! Well said. I want some pizza.

  • http://www.huomah.com theGypsy

    lol…. yea, that’s going to be about it. Seriously though, is that guy more than just a little whacked? Is that really the future for Google? Do the investors know about this? bwaah ha ha ha… Oh shit, better go change my name now…

  • http://www.huomah.com theGypsy

    Be sure to get some sausage… oh wait, that’s porn no?

  • http://earnmybusiness.com Jeffrey Taylor

    Mmmm, Google knows what is best for us. So basically they are saying most people are too stupid to type in what they really want. It makes you wonder how we all managed to survive for so long without the great Google gods!

    So according to Google “When she says No, she really means Yes.” That kind of thinking can get a person in trouble!

    Great Rant! Keep them coming!

  • http://brettpringle.com Brett Pringle

    Is it just me, or are Google, Facebook, etc actually not focusing on their service but the fight to gather information for profiling? Personal information is not safe anymore and the plebs out there just don’t know it or just don’t care?

    Hey Goog, how about you ASK me what i want, without trying to assume what i want. Damn, almost sounds like we are going out with Goog here and we’re the bitch in the relationship???!!! LOL

  • http://twitter.com/MorrowTechUk Jon Wade

    (edit) Oh, not sure why I did that twice.

  • http://twitter.com/MorrowTechUk Jon Wade

    Maybe they are just preparing for a big balls up in the search algo. When people start complaining that the results are all screwed, they just say “we always give you what you want, you just keep searching for the wrong thing, you ungrateful bastards.”

  • Fred

    This is probably why when I search for medical information on google relating to the liver – the stupid fuckers return pages about how to cook a cows liver.

    Fuckwits.

  • Fred

    I’d also like to say that every fucker on the planet knows that google doesnt answer fuck all – its the web pages that answer the questions. Given this – that fuckwit there saying he thinks we want google to tell us what to do next makes even less sense given they dont even tell us what we want in the first place.

    fuck off the internet google – and good riddance.

  • (*) (*)

    GOOGLE FOLKS ARE ARE BUNCH OF FAGOTS!! PIECES-OF-SHIT!!

  • DM79

    Beautiful thing about it is that as consumers we choose get to choose what service we use. I’ve switched to Bing. When will everyone else?

  • Google

    An idiot doesn’t think he is an idiot, therefore if you think you aren’t an idiot than you are an idiot. We know what you think.

  • F321

    this is such a crap, google thinks it is god. Day will come soon when some one will break its back.

  • http://www.borisbenz.com Boris Benz

    As far as their hyped up AI (Artificial Intelligence). The key word here is “artificial”, not real and if it is not real it just pretends to be intelligent kinda like Eric with his “groundbreaking” statements. I would like to get a history of his searches.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1134202412 Morag Gaherty

    Well, despite massive product placement in TV shows and huge support from its fan base, Mac still hasn’t managed to break Microsoft’s back. So I don’t imagine Google is feeling too scared just yet.

    *Proudly typed on a Mac*

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  • Anonymous

    I want, without trying to assume what I want. Damn, sounds almost like we come out with Goog here and we’re the bitch in the relationship

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  • Anonymous

    i require, without trying to assume what i require. Damn, sounds like they are going out with Goog here and we are the bitch in the relationship.

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  • Anonymous

    He thinks we want Google to tell us what to do even less sense because they do not even tell us what we want first.

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    I don’t imagine Google is feeling too scared just yet.Maybe soon…

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